pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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