Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
