I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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