it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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