Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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