what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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