No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
