the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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