it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
