I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
