I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
