You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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