so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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