WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
