did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
