dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
