My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
