I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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