Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
