Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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