were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
