wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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