did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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