His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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