and you said cock pushups were impossible
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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