i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
