I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
