We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
