I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
