Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
