DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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