I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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