I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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