why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
