so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
