So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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