I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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