wat bout pragnant strippers??
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
whose parrot is this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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