Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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