I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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