ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were destined to go to rehab together
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
