Your dad touched me again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
