i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
