It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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