i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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