did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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