Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
