My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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