I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
