She said her name was "party"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
