im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
