The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
