I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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