I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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