I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
