So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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