i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
