i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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