I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
