Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
