is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
where are my eyebrows?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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