cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
