how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
