I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
