we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
