he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize