hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.