Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
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There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.