it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
