There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.