I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat