Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
