Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize