Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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