how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
