I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
