you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
