booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
