If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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