I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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