I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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