A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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