Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
