so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize