you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
